"How are you to-day?" I asked tentatively. His blank eyes surveyed me, then gazed back out across the shore, where the green light no longer shone. I suddenly pulled his head to one side and pressed a dry kiss against his unsuspecting mouth.

( They waste their time telling the girls. )

They waste their time telling the girls. It's an awkward, hesitant and long-winded description of how Bradley's drink was spiked with a new and illegal drug intended to stimulate sexual pleasure by temporarily polluting the sex hormones, allegedly causing arousal and a high. They explain stiffly how it went wrong, and Colin eventually mumbles that Bradley is pregnant, and Katie and Angel exchange a look, smiling, and then Angel touches Bradley's belly and kisses him chastely on the lips.

"We already knew, Bradley. We're so happy for you."

"You knew? How could you possibly know?!" Bradley splutters.

"There were a lot of the usual signs," Katie shrugs, "We just assumed the impossible."

"God's sake!  Girls!" Colin sighs, staring, "You're so weird. No wonder I'm gay!"

* * *

They tell Johnny next. Colin and Bradley's parents are floating around somewhere in the back of their minds but they can't face that yet, and Johnny is a parent to the show so he has to know. He is shockingly alright with it, and over the final few weeks of filming it's glorious organised that Arthur's speaking parts are all close ups or off camera, and everything else is the stuntman from a clever angle.

Bradley sits by Katie in a chair, with his legs resting over her knees and his oversized shirt pulled up. He has his eyes closed, relaxed, as she moves her hand across the ever-growing bump in slow, circular soothing motions. He opens one eye as she stops and makes a funny noise in her throat.

"What?" he asks.

"Oh, Bradley," she breathes, trying to hide her laugh behind a gasp, walking her perfectly manicured fingers over the spreading pink lines, "You have stretch marks! Oh, bless you,"

He shuts his eyes again and tilts back his head, groaning.

"If you weren't a girl, Katie, I'd kick the shit out of you."

She grins wickedly.

"Colin! Colin, come here would you? I have something to show you!" Bradley wriggles, quickly pulling his feet away and trying to yank down his shirt, embarrassed, but she holds onto the hem, raising her eyebrows mischievously. "Hi, Colin," she says when he comes over, still in costume, pulling at Merlin’s neck scarf which is itchier than it looks.

“Have you seen Bradley's stretch marks?"

"Yes. Yes, I have. They're lovely as the rest of him," Colin replies, grinning and then leaning down to kiss Bradley. Katie melts inside and gets up to leave them to it and Bradley gently rises to his feet, Colin’s arm wrapping around his considerably curvier hips and pulling him closer, deeper into the kiss. Bradley’s heart races and he grabs at one of Colin’s hands and places it in the right place to feel the brief, excited kicking.

* * *

            “No, Bradley. Never. I will not let you do that.”

            “Why not?!”

            “We are not calling our baby Uther.”

            “Tony would be thrilled!”

            “No, I think the only people to be thrilled would be the bullies when he starts school! Besides, it might not be a boy.”

            “Igraine, then.”

Colin can’t stop laughing for a good few minutes.

* * *

            Bradley jerks up in the middle of the night with a strangled yell, cold sweat seeping from his forehead. Colin holds him until he calms enough to lay his head back down, where the younger man quietly asks what he saw.

            “Nimueh,” Bradley swallows, “What if, because this baby isn’t… isn’t part of the natural balance, then balance needs to be restored to life- like Arthur’s mother- what if I die?”

            “Don’t say that,” Colin soothes, “Nimueh isn’t real. Merlin isn’t real. Everything’s going to fine.” He strokes Bradley’s hair lightly, keeping him close and safe, “Everything’s going to be wonderful. You’ll see.”

* * *

            He doesn’t like phone conversations at the best of times. The dialing tone kills him and the fear works its way up into his mind, striking just as his mother answers the phone.

            “Mum?”

            “Bradley!” she sounds overjoyed, “It’s been so long since we’ve heard from you! How are you? Have you finished filming? You’ll be home soon, won’t you?”

            The wave of questions feels more like a tsunami and he shuts his eyes and swallows.

            “Mum. I have something I need to tell you.”

            She doesn’t believe him and laughs and then tells him it’s not funny now he keeps repeating it and would he stop now please and if he can’t say anything that’s not stupid then she’d rather not talk at all and she best be off now, bye. He waits a minute and has a little cry, and then calls her back and puts Colin on. She does think that Colin’s a lovely boy but this silly prank is starting to annoy her and she tells him so. They put Tony on. Anthony Head. Bradley’s mum quite fancies Anthony Head. She hangs up.

* * *

            They’ve all been waiting for the wrap party for weeks, but in the end none of them go. Bradley is tired, shattered, exhausted. He’s wrapped in Colin’s duvet; lying on Colin’s bed, dozing while Colin just watches him. He’s there in case Bradley wants or needs anything (his first craving is Marmite rice cakes with raspberry jam spread on them. Because they’re easy to find in France in the wee small hours), but he also loves to watch. Watch his chest rise and fall, watch him occasionally wriggle or sniff, look at the arc of his tummy beneath the covers.

            When Bradley wakes up, he’s hungry and thirsty and bored, so Colin goes in search of Katie and Angel. If Bradley can’t go the party, then the only answer is to bring the party to him. They clatter back into the hotel room with speakers and food and alcohol and diet coke for Bradley because he obviously can’t drink. They also have a few props and costumes that they’ve managed to commandeer, and they take silly photos like the bump wearing Arthur’s crown and a video of Colin and Bradley passionately kissing whilst dressed as Merlin and Arthur.

            “The internet would explode,” Colin laughs as Katie plays it back to him.

            “Leak it, leak it!” Bradley chants, grinning crazily.

            “What about that?” Angel challenges, stabbing at the screen where the bulge is clearly visible beneath Arthur’s red tunic.

Bradley shrugs.

            “On-set catering are far too kind to us?”

Colin laughs and takes Bradley by his waist, kissing him again.

“Oh, get a room!” Katie moans in mock-disapproval. They break apart.

“I bet ever since we all met you’ve wanted to see Colin and I kiss,” smirks Bradley, “So now I think you ought to show us what we want.” He looks from Katie, to Angel, and back again, and then jerks his eyebrows suggestively. An adorable flush creeps up Katie’s neck and onto her ivory cheeks.

“Bradley! No!” Angel squeaks. She stares at Katie. “Not that I wouldn’t want to kiss you- not that I do! You’re beautiful, Katie, I mean, it’s just, um-”

Katie surveys her, and then steps towards her and kisses her lips briefly. She looks at Angel for a moment, before the smaller girl leans up and kisses her back. They both start as the flash goes off. Katie rolls her eyes at Bradley, who is beaming like a happy child and clutching the camera. They all burst out laughing.

* * *

Bradley can’t help but inspect his body with the most severe eye. He hates every mark, every crease, he misses his bones and his muscle and sinew. Sometimes his hand will ball into a fist and he’ll want to punch the mirror with all his remaining strength, smash the ugly thing before him in thousands of pieces. But then Colin will appear behind him, and kiss his neck and put two warm hands on his round stomach and Bradley will feel beautiful again.

* * *

The ring falls out of the Birthday card, onto the kitchen table.

“Oh my God- Colin…”

“Bradley…?”

“Yes. Yes!”

* * *

            “I don’t want it!” He roars, “I don’t! I can’t do this! I WON’T!”

            “Bradley, come on, please,” Colin replies tearfully, clutching at his hand, “It’ll be all over soon, please-”

Bradley grabs Colin’s shirt front and pulls him close to snarl in his face,

“It will not be over. This is just the beginning. We’ll be parents. We’ll have a son or daughter to feed and provide for, and we’ll be woken up every night for years and years and we’ll have to explain this to our friends and our family and eventually our child, and the truth will fuck them up so bad they’d wish they’d never been born! So why don’t we give it a head start- what if they don’t operate?”

            “What?!” Colin yelps.

            “What if they just don’t do the caesarean? Let it die inside me.”

            “You’d die too.”

            “I don’t give a fuck. I hate my fucking life, this has ruined everything. I was so happy that night- when we kissed- fuck!” He lets out the last word through gritted teeth, clinging to his middle, wincing in agony.

            “You might not care if you live or die, but I do Bradley!” Colin’s hands are cupping Bradley’s face as he stares at him with tear-brimmed eyes, “I love you. I can’t physically find any words in this or any language to describe how I feel. I want this baby. I don’t care about the circumstances, the future. All I want is you and our baby, and that’s all I need. If you won’t do this for yourself-“ he kisses him swiftly, “Do it for me.”

* * *

            He has bizarre dreams. He’s Arthur and he’s locked in a death battle with a mortal foe, when Merlin appears, holding a howling baby wrapped in a blanket.

“Your turn?” He says, offering the baby, “I’ve had him for three hours now and he won’t go to sleep, I need to go to bed. Check his nappy will you?”

Arthur splutters something about the battle, only to realize that the enemy is only his Mum, trying to offer hundreds of tips about how to look after the baby. Her words turns to buzzing in his ears so he clasps the baby to his chest and runs down to the lake, where he sits down on a rock to look into the child’s face. Only this isn’t a baby, it’s a young boy, it’s Mordred and there’s a steely glint in his eyes. He steps into the lake and re-emerges holding Excalibur, holding it out and whispering, “Take it, take it, take it!”

Suddenly he’s himself and he’s sat in a coffee shop, waiting for Colin. Katie shows up instead, and takes his hand.

“Bradley. Colin was killed in a car accident months ago. You know this. You know he’s not coming.”

“He’s coming!” Bradley yells, and he stands and he’s running and falling and then he’s on the floor at someone’s feet. It’s Anthony. Or it’s Uther. He doesn’t know.

“You are a disappointment,” he tuts, his lip curling, “You are a freak of nature with an unnatural child.” And then he feels a weight come down on his back and everything fades into whiteness.

* * *

“Bradley? Bradley, wake up.”

He recognizes the voice. Soft. Soothing. Irish. It’s Colin.

“Come on, Bradley. I’ve got some one I want you to meet.”

He opens his eyes slowly, thinking, confused, and then remembering. He squints at Colin, adjusting to the lights. There is something tiny wrapped in a blue blanket.

            “Thomas, this is your Daddy. He’s going to hold you now and decide if you are Thomas.”

            “A boy?” Bradley croaks. He can barely find the strength to speak. Every part of him is completely drained, but his heart leaps with excitement and he reaches out to take the bundle from his fiancée. He looks down into his son’s little pink face. And falls in love.

“Thomas?” he inquires of Colin, not looking up.

            “Thomas Malory. Author of Morte D’Arthur.” Colin says sheepishly.

            “Thomas. Thomas?” Bradley strokes the boy’s forehead, where fluffy whisps of dark hair curl. “Hello, Thomas Morgan-James!”

He gazes at the baby in amazement, and Colin sits next to him on the bed and wraps his arms around me. They turned to one another and kiss, Colin mentally applauding Katie for pouring her drink over Bradley.

The end.